Yes it's been a while again. As much as I try to make free time....it doesn't always happen. Bear with me.
It's that time of the year again...LENT!! Love these 40 days of prayer and fasting. It seriously is my favorite time of year. I think it's the hope that it brings. It always gets me back on track. More prayer and more focus on my relationship with Christ. He is the only one that I can depend on to get me through any situation. Family/friends are great, but eventually they will disappoint you no matter what. It's just a fact. We are all sinners with one perfect God who alone is capable of mending our hearts. It's during Lent that I fall back in love with my Savior. It really is a beautiful love story that He has written on the hearts of all humanity. A sacrificial love. A selfless love. An all consuming love. True love.
This year I have chosen a theme: Discerning the Single Life
Reason for my theme?
It's been something that has been tugging at me for quite some time. If I am called to single life, I want it to be by choice, not default. I am an introspective person. I am very conscious as to why I make certain decisions and what truly makes me happy. This is a blessing just as much as it is a curse. So here goes my mini self-analysis....
I like my alone time. I can't be around people 24/7. I get tired of people fairly fast and end up frustrated/annoyed/you name it. Sure I'll go on dates...1, 2, maybe even 3. After that it gets a little tricky for me. It turns out guys can get clingy. I don't handle that well/at all. It's a suffocating feeling for me. When I decide to take a guy up on a date, more often than not I regret it the next day. My thought process: "I'm so behind with school now...I could have gotten more sleep...I've been needing to run these errands, etc." It just doesn't seem worth it. I don't have much energy for it either. Dating is exhausting to me. It really is. I don't care for it too much. Give me friends to hang out with any day...but getting to know a friend in a new romantic way?? Ugh...no thanks. Yes I probably sound ridiculous, but it is what it is. Maybe a stage in life...who knows.
I like my life. I like being able to do what I want to do, whenever I want to do it. It works for me. It's comfortable. Single life is appealing to me. Yes it's not what most 20-something y/o Catholic girls say. Sometimes I feel bad because it seems selfish. I have to remember though that as a single person I can change so many lives. I was blessed with a passion to change people's hearts. It is something that I truly believe I am called to do through medicine and my faith.
So for the next 40 days (at least) I am going to actively NOT date anyone. I am going to remove myself from any emotional/romantic feelings towards anyone. In order to prayerfully discern this vocation, I have to do it without any bias. I'm excited. It will just be me and God trying to figure this out. I might not get an answer...but I trust that He will guide me in the right direction. I just need to listen.
What's going to help me discern?
1. Deleting Facebook
I've been contemplating this for some time. I really don't use facebook for anything useful. It merely lets me 'keep in touch' with people that I might not see. By 'keep in touch' I mean look at their page. Sad reality. I also tend to make up situations in my head that might not be true...just based on things I see on facebook. It's unhealthy to say the least. I'm tired of it. It is a breeding ground for drama and rumors and I'm done. So it's now gone.
2. Daily Mass
I need to put God first in my daily life. Right now what plans my day is my workout. Everything else is planned around that hour. Not the best choice. By going to daily mass, I am hoping it will help me depend more on Him. I am looking for clarity. So I am going to the source of all truth.
So that's what I'm doing for Lent this year. It will be hard, but I know it will be worth it.
