He gets all the credit

It is Jesus who stirs in you the desire to do something great with your lives, the will to follow an ideal, the refusal to allow yourselves to be grounded down by mediocrity, the courage to commit yourselves humbly and patiently to improving yourselves and society, making the world more human and more fraternal.

 

Blessed John Paul II

World Youth Day, August 2000

Giving thanks...

We went to mass on Thursday morning and our pastor asked a few of us what we were most thankful for this Thanksgiving.  My response? Brain capacity.  Sad, right?  First thing to pop into my head.  Medical school obviously consumes me these days.  After I got rid of that instinctive response, I realized that my faith and divine grace are the things getting me through these days.  So many times I feel like I won't get through.  Must remember..one step at a time, Pilar.  Prayer works.  I love seeing the little miracles in my everyday life. 

Other things I'm thankful for:
My wonderful family
Sweet, caring friends
My puppy, Harley, who always makes me smile :)
The privilege to be in medical school
The end of neuro.
A house to come home to and a warm bed to sleep in.
Food.
It's the little things that I'm blessed with that may make a world of a difference to those who don't have them...

Right now just enjoying the time at home with the parents and dog.  Never been so ready for a break.  Mental and physical break...amidst the light studying.  Great time to prioritize again and keep my life in check.  Balancing life is hard.  Learning a day at a time.  Maybe one day I'll actually be good at it.

Keeping happy thoughts at the forefront of my mind for the next 2.5 weeks.  Charge on.

The golden thread

So it's been quite a while since I've posted.  Medical school certainly has a way of stealing time away from me!  So last I left you with was the end of my first block which was Cell Science (gross).  After that I had musculoskeletal system (MSS) for 6 weeks.  I LOVE MSS! I guess it kind of goes hand in hand with the fact that I want to go into sports medicine :)  I find all parts of it fascinating and interesting and I loved those 6 weeks.  I also enjoyed it a lot because it tricked me into thinking I had a life outside of school again!  I still studied a lot..don't get me wrong..but I had more time to myself and to spend with family/friends.  I did well with my grades which was a plus and got to start anatomy! 

Let me say that working with our body donor (cadaver) has been such a humbling experience.  The fact that he was willing to give his earthly body up to 1st year medical students is definitely a great sacrifice.  He has allowed me to learn so much about the human body and  is helping me become a doctor.  We have even had some great 2am bonding times in the lab.  Yep you guessed it.  Just me and him and a lot of other bodies in the middle of the night.  At the beginning I thought I would never do that...too creepy.  Surprisingly it was quite peaceful.  I put my headphones in and jam away as I learn learn learn everything there is to learn :)  I have also had some reality checks in there too...it's amazing how you can get sidetracked so easily sometimes from what your focus is/should be.  Somehow staring at my cadaver always reminds me that the only path to becoming a successful physician is the hard road...and so I must charge on regardless of how tired I am some days.

I have also done some awesome things with the orthopaedic/sports medicine/pm&r clubs I'm in.  I got to learn how to do a total hip replacement in a saw-bones clinic a few weeks ago! For those who don't know what that is..it's basically a simulated hip replacement done with sawbones (fake) and a bunch of power tools.  Can't you see the excitement in my face??

I've also learned how to put on casts! We learned how to put on both old-school plaster and fiberglass casts on each other.  It was a lot of fun and I feel like I'm that much closer to becoming a doctor....

Also, I was able to saw open the skull of our cadaver and extract his brain and spinal cord.  How cool is that?! If you can't tell already..I love the feeling of having a saw in my hand and just going at it.  Adrenaline. stress relief. power. excitement.  Who really knows...but it's awesome!

Now on a more social note..I've done a few things here and there.  A powderpuff game is tradition for our school.  First year girls against second year girls.  We had tryouts in September and started practicing soon thereafter.  A bunch of the guys in our class were our couches and it was always really organized and fun (besides the occasional frustration!).  There was so much competition/animosity between the classes leading up to this game!  We all knew that it might be brutal (physically) but I never expected what was to come..  So it was supposed to be a normal flag football game right?  Well how about NOT.  It was basically a chance for 2015 and 2014 to hack it out on the field.  Yes it was definitely tackle.  It was rough, ugly, dirty....but yet so fun.  I played receiver so didn't get to block too much...but never have I ever wanted to shove/hit people more than I did that day.  Our casualties ended up being a concussion, a few broken fingers, a complete fracture that required surgery...and several cuts and bruises.  It was intense to say the least.  I think everyone agreed that it might have gotten a little crazy...but none of it got carried off the field so that's good!  We had some cute jerseys too :)

 Oh didn't mention that my awesome roommate got her tooth knocked out during practice one day!  It was awful.  She has now had 2 root canals and other problems because of it :(  She took it like a champ as always!  Laughing and carrying on about the whole situation..of course. 


 We also got a chance to go to the state fair!  We tried everything from fried bubblegum to a fried latte.  Delicious (minus the bubblegum...it was creative though!) and fun.  It was a nice break to be outside with my friends on our first "cooler" day. 

I kind of like this girl :)

 

 

 

Fried margarita!

I also made it back to college station a couple of weekends ago for the Baylor game!  So glad I went when I did...because looking at things now there's no way I can skip town again haha  Got to see my girl (real reason I went) and witnessed an epic Baylor massacre.  It was so good being in Kyle field again and tailgating...I've missed that place.  Gamedays are always hard being away from cs.  If you've never been to Texas A&M on a game weekend...then you have no idea what I'm talking about.  You have to see it for yourself :) 

Didn't clarify earlier...this is my girl! haha she never takes serious pictures with me

Beautiful weather and awesome seats!

Went to northgate expecting a good time as always...kind of disappointed.  WAY too many drunk obnoxious loud creepy people wandering around.  It was incredibly packed everywhere we went.  It smelled bad...people spilled drinks on me...etc.  I think I was just used to this in college...but not so much anymore.  I feel like medical school has aged me significantly haha!  I like my bars in Fort Worth..and at the present time I'll stick to those. thanks. 

Now I'm in block 3: nervous system.  It's SO MUCH MATERIAL!  Crazy crazy crazy.  Constantly keeping me on my toes.  I feel like I'm just now starting medical school.  Go figure.  Literally had a stack of double sided papers almost 4" thick of material covered in 2 weeks on our 3 exams yesterday.  Somehow I got through all of it...thanks to a lot of prayers and lots of coffee.  Got my grades back today.  I did well so I'm glad all the sleepless nights paid off! Now to charge through 3 more weeks of insanity until it gets better...


One thing about medical school...it has made me depend on my faith in God a whole lot more.  I cannot do this on my own.  It's coming at me from all sides and I have learned over the years to just let go and let God.  It's amazing the relief that comes from that :)  All I can do is learn as much as I can in the time that I have and after that...it's all up to Him.  I thank God everyday for giving me the brain capacity to store all of this information and the ability to retain it.  Prayers are what keep me going.  When I take time to look back at all that I have accomplished thus far..I feel immensely blessed. 

I must always remember why I'm here...what I have set out to accomplish...and God who's going to get me through it all.  The golden thread. 

Finding meaning...

It's one of those days where you feel so alone and just want to disappear.  Trusting that this will all be worth it in the end. 

The constant wait.  Waiting for a career.  Waiting for a relationship/family.  Waiting to know what my purpose is in this life.  Waiting to change someone's life. 

Trying to find motivation.  Trying to find strength.  It's the same day to day routine that is the killer...not so much the material.  Perseverance...

I'm my worst enemy.  I'm very competitive and sometimes that drives me into the ground.  Learning to let go of this bit by bit. 

Tired.  That's all I've got.  Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

Prayers are always appreciated :)

First year medical student!

I'm already 5 weeks deep into medical school!  I haven't had too much time to blog because of the workload but I'm hoping to get in more of a routine soon :)

Med school is a funny thing...it's probably one of the most challenging things I've done in life so far...but I wouldn't have it any other way.  I am constantly being reassured that I am on the right path and definitely at the right school for me.  I just love my life right now...the key is to remind myself of this every day.


Cell Science (block 1): 5 weeks
This block was really a random assortment of topics that don't seem to fit into any one body system.  Some of the main topics we covered were cell-specific diseases, genetics, aging, and nutrition.  Yes I said nutrition.  Medical schools RARELY have nutrition incorporated into the curriculum, so I was glad to see that a lot of emphasis was put on it at least for 2 weeks out of 4 years.  For those that don't know...I have a degree in nutrition so I kind of think it's very important for medicine :) 
The content was not hard...it was just the amount of material we had to know/memorize.  Faculty told us in orientation that "medical school is like drinking from a fire hydrant."  This phrase could not be closer to the truth.  The hardest part for me has been trying to find the most efficient way to learn all of the material.  For the first exam I studied the way I did  in college aka: outlines, understanding the material..THEN memorizing it, etc.  Ya well 2 days before the exam I realized that I needed to start memorizing...uh oh.  I did fine on the exam thank goodness.  I did realize after that test that I just needed to start memorizing on the spot.  So that's what I did along with some awesome study/quizzing sessions with my roommate, Nicole.  I felt far more prepared the second time around and I got more sleep! Wonderful discovery :)

Life changes:
So med school has been an adjustment to say the least.  Our schedule is different every day of the week so it's hard to establish a routine.  Chronic tiredness is also another obstacle to routine.  Sometimes you just can't fight your body....no matter how much caffeine you put into it!  I've definitely adjusted to 6ish hours of sleep.  My normal used to be 8 hrs so it might not seem like a big change...but trust me it is.  I need my sleep to function at all the next day.  The hours of studying are also never ending.  Let's just say the only things to interrupt my 24 hours of studying/day are sleep, 1hr workout, and commute time to/from school.  You might ask...what about eating?? Ya I study while I eat pretty much all of my meals.  I HATE doing this...but there are just not enough hours in the day.  A 48hr day would be nice :)

Social life = 0.  My new social life is comprised of studying with my friends/new family :) That is it.  Oh well a free weekend every 6 weeks!

Exercise has always been a part of my life.  It is my outlet for all things! I knew that I needed to keep this up during medical school no matter how stressed out I got.  Well that's a lot easier said than done.  I do exercise on most days, but some days I have the internal battle between studying to not fall behind and getting an hour of exercise in.  I hate having to sacrifice exercise, but sometimes I just have to in order to get the grades that I want.  Now a grade that I want vs. need is a WHOLE other issue.  More to come in future posts :)

An unfortunate consequence of the above has been a decrease/lack of prayer in my daily life.  In college, I found my faith again and really devoted time to learning more about my faith and building my relationship with God.  I was in such a good place.  Now is when my faith is being put to the test.  I am no longer surrounded by Catholic friends.  I am now in a surprisingly secular environment.  I'll admit it's a daily struggle to stand true to who I am and the way I want to live my life.  I just need to remember the comfort and reassurance that prayer brings to me :) Also why is there not 24hr adoration anywhere near me?!


There are other things I want to share but I'll have to wait for future posts. 

Medical school is a balancing act.  Every day I learn a new way to tackle my life! The key is teamwork :)

Until next time..




Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies.  - Mother Teresa

Start of Summer 2011!!

...well all 6 weeks of it that is.  Summer is in full swing with the heat, pool, and relaxation..and I'm loving it!  For all of you who know me...I have worked every summer since I was 14 and this is my first summer off!! I figured a) I need the rest before I start medical school in July and b) I can't easily get a job for 6 weeks...so might as well just play!

After graduation I spent the last two weeks of May in Houston.  To be honest, these two weeks were very emotionally and physically draining.  I was trying to split my time between my family and friends in Houston before moving off to Fort Worth.  I wanted to give everyone a last goodbye visit and well it turns out I had a lot of people to say bye to!  I tried to get everyone, but apparently 2 weeks isn't enough to fit that all in as well as a lot of dr. appointments.  It was A LOT harder than I expected.  I have been so excited about moving to FW and starting school...but these 2 weeks made me realize that I'm going to miss my parents and friends a lot.  I didn't really experience this at the start of college because College Station is only 1.5 hours away from Houston.  I could count on coming home whenever I wanted and seeing friends on breaks.  Fort Worth is about 4.5-5 hours from Houston and the difference now is that I don't see myself coming back nearly at all because of school.  Most of my friends will also be in Houston permanently so that just adds to it.  However, I have an AWESOME roommate (Nicole) next year and we will be spending loads of time with all new people the next 4 years.  I'm looking forward to the change :)

On June 1st, I officially moved out of Houston and into Fort Worth! I will be living with my sister, Jana, brother-in-law, Drew, and their kids: Bryson (11), Jackson (7) and Addison (3) until July 9th.  Both Jana and Drew are teachers so they get summers off, except Drew who is teaching summer school from 8-12 four days a week.  I chose to spend most of my summer with them because we can do fun stuff with the kids and play in the sun!...mindless fun and relaxation are on my agenda.  Another thing on my agenda is to workout and shape up! Good thing my sister is a HOSS when it comes to fitness and athletic ability.  If you think I am in shape....you should check her out.  I can hardly keep up with her!  She has so much energy and I just love it.  We both have memberships at 24 Hour Fitness so we have been going about 2 hours every morning and doing 1-2 classes, some of which include: turbo kickbox, piloxing (boxing and pilates), boot camp, body pump (weight training).  We are also running about 3 days a week to keep our endurance up for the White Rock Half Marathon on December 4th!  Yes, we're doing it again and this time Nicole will be joining us!  Our big decision for the day is what we're going to do at the gym and when. Next decision....to go to the pool/waterpark or to stay in and play with the kids?...tough life, right? :) Here are a few pics of what we have been up to lately:

Riding bikes to go climb the "rocks" aka: construction zone!

Watching Jack at baseball practice

Hot, sweaty, June afternoons :)

Addie practicing her letters on "Toiling Tuesdays"

Jack doing crossword puzzles

   

Slides, wave pool, lazy river, lunch...all fun!

The newest Hollywood fitness craze: Piloxing!

We have more of the same planned for the next month...looking forward to it!

I also have a few trips to take before school starts and we just got back from Oklahoma: backwoods version! Stay tuned for a post about the wonderful time I had in Octavia, OK :)

Now onto one of my summer reads!

Once an Aggie, Always an Aggie

I did NOT think the end of college would come THIS fast.  I still remember being dropped off at my dorm the week before the start of college in 2007.  Where has the time gone??  It literally feels like yesterday...but when I think of the hard work that has been put into the past 4 years...it seems like a lifetime. 

Many don't know this, but Texas A&M was not my first choice school...it actually was near if not at the bottom of my list of "preferred" schools.  I thought it was TOO big and weird and "not for me".  I came here in the end for financial reasons and guess what...I HAD THE BEST TIME!!

This school has really done more for me as a person than it has for my academic career.  Don't get me wrong, it provided a great education as a pre-med.  However I came in with a solid set of study skills and ambition for my field, that all I really gained was more knowledge to prepare me for medical school.  What A&M really taught me was leadership, communication, and a steadfast faith.

Leadership.  I have been fortunate enough to have a leadership role in some sort of organization the past 4 years in college.  Four years ago I was the "quiet" and "shy" one on the exterior..but had all these ideas and passions inside of me for few to see.  I cared too much of what other people thought of me so I was scared to stand for what I believed.  The spring semester of my freshman year I assumed a small leadership role in one of my organizations (because someone had graduated) without really meaning to.  I was scared at first, but before I knew it I was taking responsibility, making plans, and taking action.  My four years here has been a progression of this "coming out of my shell" phase.  I have gone from being passive to being assertive with even my closest friends.  There's something so exciting and intimidating about several people looking to you for answers and guidance.  You're expected to perform flawlessly and to have the answer to EVERYTHING!  That's a lot of pressure!  However, under that pressure lies great respect and admiration, which are two very important things that got me through the toughest of days.  I have become very comfortable with who I am and what I stand for, and this surprisingly has made me a more effective and confident leader.  People find comfort in relating to others so I made sure to unveil my true self to everyone I encountered, flaws and all :)  It gave me courage when people sought out my advice and really made me want to make a difference in their life! All of the opportunities to help and guide others in the past 4 years have added exponential growth to my maturity as well as my professional life, and for that I am thankful. 

Relationships.  Now this is something I was confident I was going to experience at Texas A&M...but it turns out the experience has been something QUITE different than I imagined 4 years ago.  Everyone talks about finding their "one true love" at Texas A&M.  In fact so many do, that I thought SURELY it's going to happen to me.  I was the girl in high school who seemed to always be "talking" to some guy.  That was my comfort zone...for the school and environment that I was in.  It turns out that in college, I bolted in the other direction.  So much so that many have asked me if I've EVER been in a relationship...FYI yes I have.  I have come to appreciate the beauty of friendships in college so much that those romantic relationships were honestly unappealing to me for the longest time.  True solid friendships are hard to find.  It took me a couple of years to find my niche...but once I did there was this mutual trust and selfless giving that I had never experienced before.  My friends that I have made here are THE MOST caring and selfless people I know.  They would literally put their life at risk for me.  It has been such a humbling experience that I myself have become more giving and selfless in the process..because of their generosity.  I have learned so many life lessons, had so many laughs, cried so many tears, shared so many stories and moments...that it makes me believe they are part of my family.  I believe that surrounding yourself with people you admire and want to model is so important to finding those lasting relationships.  However, the true key to my beautiful friendships in college has not been the crazy party times, the study times, or even the story times...it has been a strong faith-based foundation.

Faith.  All I can say is St. Mary's.  That's it.  This Catholic community at Texas A&M has done more for me than I could have ever imagined.  I am truly a completely different person than I was 4 years ago.  I have put God first in my life and now make all decisions in life based on this.  I rely on God for literally everything and without Him I have no clue where I'd be right now.  I have come in contact with my life's deepest wounds, sorted through the hurt and pain, and started the healing process all in the past few years.  I have learned to not be anxious.  I have learned to listen to others.  I have learned to spend more quality time with others.  My faith life has taught me so many life lessons.  The biggest one is leading by example.  I believe the biggest influence for those around you is NOT by shoving morals and virtues down their throats.  It is by living out all that you stand for regardless of what others think.  It takes great courage and fortitude to live this life, but it gives great hope to others.  So I think it's worth it :)

So yes...all in all...Texas A&M you have been good to me.  I am sad to be leaving the wonderful people who have made my experience here amazing...but I am more excited about what is to come.  I know I will keep in touch with them...so losing them forever does not worry me in the slightest.

Well..here's to graduation and the Class of 2011!! WHOOOOOOP!!