Help me go to South Sudan!

Dear Family and Friends,

As many of you know, I am currently a first year medical student in Fort Worth, TX at the University of North Texas Health Science Center.  My first year is almost over and is proving to be quite a challenging and humbling experience.  I am realizing that giving of my time and efforts to those in need is my priority and my call in life.  This is why I have decided to travel to Africa in June 2012 to help the war displaced and extremely impoverished communities in South Sudan. 

I will be going to South Sudan with East African Ministries, a nonprofit 501c3 organization. 

East African Ministries exists to practically demonstrate the love of Christ and strengthen God’s Kingdom by promoting sustainable solutions for clean water, health care and leadership development to unreached communities in East Africa.  Each project of EAM is designed to reveal Christ’s commitment to the people of East Africa by providing services and support that improve their daily lives, strengthen their communities and empower village churches.   

Over fifty years of violent conflict and political turmoil have left the South Sudanese with practically a non-existent healthcare system.  In a country with an estimated population of ten million, less than 30% have access to healthcare services of any kind.  Because most South Sudanese live in rural communities, many have to walk days to the nearest healthcare center with no guarantee that they will receive treatment.  Women and children are the most vulnerable.  South Sudan has the #1 maternal mortality rate in the world.  A 15 year old girl in South Sudan is more likely to die in childbirth than complete school.  Equally as shocking as this is the lack of healthcare knowledge among the communities.  Most have lived the majority of their lives in refugee camps during the war and are unfamiliar with basic health and sanitation practices.  As a result, a large percentage of the population dies from preventable diseases. 

Mobile Health International is the team that I will be serving with while in South Sudan.  Our main focus in all that we do will be to use each outreach as a means of sharing the gospel with the community through one on one discipleship, bible studies, and worship services.  Along with this we will be providing immunizations and basic medical healthcare.  Our education training will focus on sanitation and hygiene, maternal health, malaria prevention, HIV and AIDS prevention and the importance of clean water. 

I am embarking on this journey because I want a chance at spreading my faith to others through discipleship and healthcare.  I have been so blessed in my life that I want to share all that I have been given with the poor in these communities.  I want to see families smile with hope.  I want to see mothers live to raise their children.  I want to see lives changed through the hope found in God’s love.  This is why I am asking you to prayerfully consider sponsoring me in this mission.  Any donation is appreciated.  My fundraising goal is $3,500.00 to serve for one month in South Sudan.  This money will go towards my traveling expenses as well as providing some healthcare and clothing supplies to take to the communities.  If you choose to make a tax-deductible donation to my mission, you can donate online through my fundraising page: Help Pilar go to South Sudan!.  You can also donate by a check made payable to Mobile Health International.  The mailing address is:

The Radler Foundation

3131 West 7^th Street, Suite 400

Fort Worth, TX 76107

Please include my full name (Pilar McKay) on any donation made.  All proceeds are tax deductible and directly benefit my trip.  I completely understand if you cannot donate at this time.   I just ask that you please keep our team and the communities in South Sudan in your prayers this summer!

I appreciate you taking the time to read this letter and considering making a donation to such a great cause.  I will be updating my blog and fundraising page with details about my upcoming trip and how I am doing on my fundraising goal! 

Thank you for the support and prayers!

My favorite time of year: Lent

Yes it's been a while again.  As much as I try to make free time....it doesn't always happen.  Bear with me. 

It's that time of the year again...LENT!! Love these 40 days of prayer and fasting.  It seriously is my favorite time of year.  I think it's the hope that it brings.  It always gets me back on track.  More prayer and more focus on my relationship with Christ.  He is the only one that I can depend on to get me through any situation.  Family/friends are great, but eventually they will disappoint you no matter what.  It's just a fact.  We are all sinners with one perfect God who alone is capable of mending our hearts.  It's during Lent that I fall back in love with my Savior.  It really is a beautiful love story that He has written on the hearts of all humanity.  A sacrificial love.  A selfless love.  An all consuming love.  True love. 

This year I have chosen a theme: Discerning the Single Life

Reason for my theme?
It's been something that has been tugging at me for quite some time.  If I am called to single life, I want it to be by choice, not default.  I am an introspective person.  I am very conscious as to why I make certain decisions and what truly makes me happy.  This is a blessing just as much as it is a curse.  So here goes my mini self-analysis....

I like my alone time.  I can't be around people 24/7.  I get tired of people fairly fast and end up frustrated/annoyed/you name it.  Sure I'll go on dates...1, 2, maybe even 3.  After that it gets a little tricky for me.  It turns out guys can get clingy.  I don't handle that well/at all.  It's a suffocating feeling for me.  When I decide to take a guy up on a date, more often than not I regret it the next day.  My thought process: "I'm so behind with school now...I could have gotten more sleep...I've been needing to run these errands, etc."  It just doesn't seem worth it.  I don't have much energy for it either.  Dating is exhausting to me.  It really is.  I don't care for it too much.  Give me friends to hang out with any day...but getting to know a friend in a new romantic way?? Ugh...no thanks.  Yes I probably sound ridiculous, but it is what it is.  Maybe a stage in life...who knows. 

I like my life.  I like being able to do what I want to do, whenever I want to do it.  It works for me.  It's comfortable.  Single life is appealing to me. Yes it's not what most 20-something y/o Catholic girls say.  Sometimes I feel bad because it seems selfish.  I have to remember though that as a single person I can change so many lives.  I was blessed with a passion to change people's hearts.  It is something that I truly believe I am called to do through medicine and my faith. 

So for the next 40 days (at least) I am going to actively NOT date anyone.  I am going to remove myself from any emotional/romantic feelings towards anyone.  In order to prayerfully discern this vocation, I have to do it without any bias.  I'm excited.  It will just be me and God trying to figure this out.  I might not get an answer...but I trust that He will guide me in the right direction.  I just need to listen. 

What's going to help me discern?

1. Deleting Facebook
I've been contemplating this for some time.  I really don't use facebook for anything useful.  It merely lets me 'keep in touch' with people that I might not see.  By 'keep in touch' I mean look at their page.  Sad reality.  I also tend to make up situations in my head that might not be true...just based on things I see on facebook.  It's unhealthy to say the least.  I'm tired of it.  It is a breeding ground for drama and rumors and I'm done.  So it's now gone. 

2. Daily Mass
 I need to put God first in my daily life.  Right now what plans my day is my workout.  Everything else is planned around that hour.  Not the best choice.  By going to daily mass, I am hoping it will help me depend more on Him.  I am looking for clarity.  So I am going to the source of all truth. 

So that's what I'm doing for Lent this year.  It will be hard, but I know it will be worth it. 

Voice of Truth - Casting Crowns

New horizons

My 1st semester of medical school at TCOM ended yesterday.  No words can describe how relieved I am.  It has been a long, tiring, and rewarding 5 months. Medical school is only as hard as you make it out to be.  You can either study enough to pass or try to memorize/understand everything possible and get hardly any sleep.  Guess which category I fall into?  Yeah...the Type A typical medical student.  Now how did all that go this semester??

Quite well.  When I look back at it all...I have no right to complain/worry...but yet I have some reservations.  You will see why soon.

A quick summary of my semester:

Block 1: Cell Science (6 weeks)
Block 2: Musculoskeletal System (6 weeks)
Block 3: Nervous System (5 weeks)
Block 4: Cardiopulmonary System (4 weeks)
All semester: Osteopathic Manipulative Medicine
All semester: Clinical Medicine/Interviewing/Ethics/Community Resources

I learned a lot this semester.  I performed my first head to toe physical exam and interview.  I learned a lot about sports-specific injuries through working with different physicians.  I learned how to read lots of different EKGs.  I was presented with my first geriatric 'patient'.  I learned how to cast arms and ankles.  I learned lots of different manipulative (manual) therapy techniques to use as alternative/complementary treatment for patients.  Like I said...I learned a lot.  I also made all A's...except in my last cardio block.  Missed a 4.0 this semester by 3 points.  Unfortunately disappointment was where I was at when grades came in. 

I am hard on myself because I know I can achieve my goals if I work hard enough.  It has always worked for me so  I have come to embrace this critical part of myself.  I maintained this mentality throughout this semester.  I worked into the early morning hours.  I worked all night without sleep sometimes.  I spent 14+ hours studying most days.  I did not eat well.  I did not exercise consistently like I'm used to (partly knee problems).  I did not make time for family or friends.  I did not make my faith a priority.  I just studied.  Day after day.

I know I am in medical school and I don't have a problem motivating myself to study most days.  I want to be the best doctor I can be.  Does that mean a 4.0 must be my #1 priority?  I'm starting to realize that grades are not the only things that make a great doctor.  An all-around compassionate, educated, professional individual who can interact and care for another human being is more important.  Also, grades/board scores are specific for each field you go into.  Wanna-be surgeons must have the top scores to get into a good residency.  I have decided (thus far) that the life of a surgeon is not for me.  Although I find it awesome and exhilarating, my heart is with patient care in clinic.  I also would like a family.  How many female married orthopaedic surgeons do you know without a dysfunctional family?? I'll stop there. 

Medical school is a big part of my life.  However, it is not my whole life.  My goals for next semester look a little different than those for this semester. 

I will take care of myself.
I will make time everyday to pray.
I will make more time for family and friends. 
I will let go of control a bit...


This post is kind of a big deal for me because I'm afraid of losing respect.  Why? I don't quite know.  I'd like to think that I work hard at what I do...only to fall short most times.  This is frustrating to me because I'm not in control of the situation. NEWSFLASH! I am not in control of anything, God is.  More trust, less control.

A beautiful friend reminded me of this: "God is closest to those with broken hearts," and "By seeing the seed of failure in every success, we remain humble. By seeing the seed of success in every failure we remain hopeful.”

Medical school humbles me day in and day out.  So much I don't know.  So much I can't grasp.  So many smart/caring people.  I am just in the midst of it all, not above not below.

Despite all of the realizations today, I know I'm immensely blessed and will always be grateful :)

So now 2 weeks off to spend with family and friends :) Pure bliss.  I will soak up every second of it.  Excited.





 

He gets all the credit

It is Jesus who stirs in you the desire to do something great with your lives, the will to follow an ideal, the refusal to allow yourselves to be grounded down by mediocrity, the courage to commit yourselves humbly and patiently to improving yourselves and society, making the world more human and more fraternal.

 

Blessed John Paul II

World Youth Day, August 2000

Giving thanks...

We went to mass on Thursday morning and our pastor asked a few of us what we were most thankful for this Thanksgiving.  My response? Brain capacity.  Sad, right?  First thing to pop into my head.  Medical school obviously consumes me these days.  After I got rid of that instinctive response, I realized that my faith and divine grace are the things getting me through these days.  So many times I feel like I won't get through.  Must remember..one step at a time, Pilar.  Prayer works.  I love seeing the little miracles in my everyday life. 

Other things I'm thankful for:
My wonderful family
Sweet, caring friends
My puppy, Harley, who always makes me smile :)
The privilege to be in medical school
The end of neuro.
A house to come home to and a warm bed to sleep in.
Food.
It's the little things that I'm blessed with that may make a world of a difference to those who don't have them...

Right now just enjoying the time at home with the parents and dog.  Never been so ready for a break.  Mental and physical break...amidst the light studying.  Great time to prioritize again and keep my life in check.  Balancing life is hard.  Learning a day at a time.  Maybe one day I'll actually be good at it.

Keeping happy thoughts at the forefront of my mind for the next 2.5 weeks.  Charge on.

The golden thread

So it's been quite a while since I've posted.  Medical school certainly has a way of stealing time away from me!  So last I left you with was the end of my first block which was Cell Science (gross).  After that I had musculoskeletal system (MSS) for 6 weeks.  I LOVE MSS! I guess it kind of goes hand in hand with the fact that I want to go into sports medicine :)  I find all parts of it fascinating and interesting and I loved those 6 weeks.  I also enjoyed it a lot because it tricked me into thinking I had a life outside of school again!  I still studied a lot..don't get me wrong..but I had more time to myself and to spend with family/friends.  I did well with my grades which was a plus and got to start anatomy! 

Let me say that working with our body donor (cadaver) has been such a humbling experience.  The fact that he was willing to give his earthly body up to 1st year medical students is definitely a great sacrifice.  He has allowed me to learn so much about the human body and  is helping me become a doctor.  We have even had some great 2am bonding times in the lab.  Yep you guessed it.  Just me and him and a lot of other bodies in the middle of the night.  At the beginning I thought I would never do that...too creepy.  Surprisingly it was quite peaceful.  I put my headphones in and jam away as I learn learn learn everything there is to learn :)  I have also had some reality checks in there too...it's amazing how you can get sidetracked so easily sometimes from what your focus is/should be.  Somehow staring at my cadaver always reminds me that the only path to becoming a successful physician is the hard road...and so I must charge on regardless of how tired I am some days.

I have also done some awesome things with the orthopaedic/sports medicine/pm&r clubs I'm in.  I got to learn how to do a total hip replacement in a saw-bones clinic a few weeks ago! For those who don't know what that is..it's basically a simulated hip replacement done with sawbones (fake) and a bunch of power tools.  Can't you see the excitement in my face??

I've also learned how to put on casts! We learned how to put on both old-school plaster and fiberglass casts on each other.  It was a lot of fun and I feel like I'm that much closer to becoming a doctor....

Also, I was able to saw open the skull of our cadaver and extract his brain and spinal cord.  How cool is that?! If you can't tell already..I love the feeling of having a saw in my hand and just going at it.  Adrenaline. stress relief. power. excitement.  Who really knows...but it's awesome!

Now on a more social note..I've done a few things here and there.  A powderpuff game is tradition for our school.  First year girls against second year girls.  We had tryouts in September and started practicing soon thereafter.  A bunch of the guys in our class were our couches and it was always really organized and fun (besides the occasional frustration!).  There was so much competition/animosity between the classes leading up to this game!  We all knew that it might be brutal (physically) but I never expected what was to come..  So it was supposed to be a normal flag football game right?  Well how about NOT.  It was basically a chance for 2015 and 2014 to hack it out on the field.  Yes it was definitely tackle.  It was rough, ugly, dirty....but yet so fun.  I played receiver so didn't get to block too much...but never have I ever wanted to shove/hit people more than I did that day.  Our casualties ended up being a concussion, a few broken fingers, a complete fracture that required surgery...and several cuts and bruises.  It was intense to say the least.  I think everyone agreed that it might have gotten a little crazy...but none of it got carried off the field so that's good!  We had some cute jerseys too :)

 Oh didn't mention that my awesome roommate got her tooth knocked out during practice one day!  It was awful.  She has now had 2 root canals and other problems because of it :(  She took it like a champ as always!  Laughing and carrying on about the whole situation..of course. 


 We also got a chance to go to the state fair!  We tried everything from fried bubblegum to a fried latte.  Delicious (minus the bubblegum...it was creative though!) and fun.  It was a nice break to be outside with my friends on our first "cooler" day. 

I kind of like this girl :)

 

 

 

Fried margarita!

I also made it back to college station a couple of weekends ago for the Baylor game!  So glad I went when I did...because looking at things now there's no way I can skip town again haha  Got to see my girl (real reason I went) and witnessed an epic Baylor massacre.  It was so good being in Kyle field again and tailgating...I've missed that place.  Gamedays are always hard being away from cs.  If you've never been to Texas A&M on a game weekend...then you have no idea what I'm talking about.  You have to see it for yourself :) 

Didn't clarify earlier...this is my girl! haha she never takes serious pictures with me

Beautiful weather and awesome seats!

Went to northgate expecting a good time as always...kind of disappointed.  WAY too many drunk obnoxious loud creepy people wandering around.  It was incredibly packed everywhere we went.  It smelled bad...people spilled drinks on me...etc.  I think I was just used to this in college...but not so much anymore.  I feel like medical school has aged me significantly haha!  I like my bars in Fort Worth..and at the present time I'll stick to those. thanks. 

Now I'm in block 3: nervous system.  It's SO MUCH MATERIAL!  Crazy crazy crazy.  Constantly keeping me on my toes.  I feel like I'm just now starting medical school.  Go figure.  Literally had a stack of double sided papers almost 4" thick of material covered in 2 weeks on our 3 exams yesterday.  Somehow I got through all of it...thanks to a lot of prayers and lots of coffee.  Got my grades back today.  I did well so I'm glad all the sleepless nights paid off! Now to charge through 3 more weeks of insanity until it gets better...


One thing about medical school...it has made me depend on my faith in God a whole lot more.  I cannot do this on my own.  It's coming at me from all sides and I have learned over the years to just let go and let God.  It's amazing the relief that comes from that :)  All I can do is learn as much as I can in the time that I have and after that...it's all up to Him.  I thank God everyday for giving me the brain capacity to store all of this information and the ability to retain it.  Prayers are what keep me going.  When I take time to look back at all that I have accomplished thus far..I feel immensely blessed. 

I must always remember why I'm here...what I have set out to accomplish...and God who's going to get me through it all.  The golden thread. 

Finding meaning...

It's one of those days where you feel so alone and just want to disappear.  Trusting that this will all be worth it in the end. 

The constant wait.  Waiting for a career.  Waiting for a relationship/family.  Waiting to know what my purpose is in this life.  Waiting to change someone's life. 

Trying to find motivation.  Trying to find strength.  It's the same day to day routine that is the killer...not so much the material.  Perseverance...

I'm my worst enemy.  I'm very competitive and sometimes that drives me into the ground.  Learning to let go of this bit by bit. 

Tired.  That's all I've got.  Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

Prayers are always appreciated :)