The golden thread

So it's been quite a while since I've posted.  Medical school certainly has a way of stealing time away from me!  So last I left you with was the end of my first block which was Cell Science (gross).  After that I had musculoskeletal system (MSS) for 6 weeks.  I LOVE MSS! I guess it kind of goes hand in hand with the fact that I want to go into sports medicine :)  I find all parts of it fascinating and interesting and I loved those 6 weeks.  I also enjoyed it a lot because it tricked me into thinking I had a life outside of school again!  I still studied a lot..don't get me wrong..but I had more time to myself and to spend with family/friends.  I did well with my grades which was a plus and got to start anatomy! 

Let me say that working with our body donor (cadaver) has been such a humbling experience.  The fact that he was willing to give his earthly body up to 1st year medical students is definitely a great sacrifice.  He has allowed me to learn so much about the human body and  is helping me become a doctor.  We have even had some great 2am bonding times in the lab.  Yep you guessed it.  Just me and him and a lot of other bodies in the middle of the night.  At the beginning I thought I would never do that...too creepy.  Surprisingly it was quite peaceful.  I put my headphones in and jam away as I learn learn learn everything there is to learn :)  I have also had some reality checks in there too...it's amazing how you can get sidetracked so easily sometimes from what your focus is/should be.  Somehow staring at my cadaver always reminds me that the only path to becoming a successful physician is the hard road...and so I must charge on regardless of how tired I am some days.

I have also done some awesome things with the orthopaedic/sports medicine/pm&r clubs I'm in.  I got to learn how to do a total hip replacement in a saw-bones clinic a few weeks ago! For those who don't know what that is..it's basically a simulated hip replacement done with sawbones (fake) and a bunch of power tools.  Can't you see the excitement in my face??

I've also learned how to put on casts! We learned how to put on both old-school plaster and fiberglass casts on each other.  It was a lot of fun and I feel like I'm that much closer to becoming a doctor....

Also, I was able to saw open the skull of our cadaver and extract his brain and spinal cord.  How cool is that?! If you can't tell already..I love the feeling of having a saw in my hand and just going at it.  Adrenaline. stress relief. power. excitement.  Who really knows...but it's awesome!

Now on a more social note..I've done a few things here and there.  A powderpuff game is tradition for our school.  First year girls against second year girls.  We had tryouts in September and started practicing soon thereafter.  A bunch of the guys in our class were our couches and it was always really organized and fun (besides the occasional frustration!).  There was so much competition/animosity between the classes leading up to this game!  We all knew that it might be brutal (physically) but I never expected what was to come..  So it was supposed to be a normal flag football game right?  Well how about NOT.  It was basically a chance for 2015 and 2014 to hack it out on the field.  Yes it was definitely tackle.  It was rough, ugly, dirty....but yet so fun.  I played receiver so didn't get to block too much...but never have I ever wanted to shove/hit people more than I did that day.  Our casualties ended up being a concussion, a few broken fingers, a complete fracture that required surgery...and several cuts and bruises.  It was intense to say the least.  I think everyone agreed that it might have gotten a little crazy...but none of it got carried off the field so that's good!  We had some cute jerseys too :)

 Oh didn't mention that my awesome roommate got her tooth knocked out during practice one day!  It was awful.  She has now had 2 root canals and other problems because of it :(  She took it like a champ as always!  Laughing and carrying on about the whole situation..of course. 


 We also got a chance to go to the state fair!  We tried everything from fried bubblegum to a fried latte.  Delicious (minus the bubblegum...it was creative though!) and fun.  It was a nice break to be outside with my friends on our first "cooler" day. 

I kind of like this girl :)

 

 

 

Fried margarita!

I also made it back to college station a couple of weekends ago for the Baylor game!  So glad I went when I did...because looking at things now there's no way I can skip town again haha  Got to see my girl (real reason I went) and witnessed an epic Baylor massacre.  It was so good being in Kyle field again and tailgating...I've missed that place.  Gamedays are always hard being away from cs.  If you've never been to Texas A&M on a game weekend...then you have no idea what I'm talking about.  You have to see it for yourself :) 

Didn't clarify earlier...this is my girl! haha she never takes serious pictures with me

Beautiful weather and awesome seats!

Went to northgate expecting a good time as always...kind of disappointed.  WAY too many drunk obnoxious loud creepy people wandering around.  It was incredibly packed everywhere we went.  It smelled bad...people spilled drinks on me...etc.  I think I was just used to this in college...but not so much anymore.  I feel like medical school has aged me significantly haha!  I like my bars in Fort Worth..and at the present time I'll stick to those. thanks. 

Now I'm in block 3: nervous system.  It's SO MUCH MATERIAL!  Crazy crazy crazy.  Constantly keeping me on my toes.  I feel like I'm just now starting medical school.  Go figure.  Literally had a stack of double sided papers almost 4" thick of material covered in 2 weeks on our 3 exams yesterday.  Somehow I got through all of it...thanks to a lot of prayers and lots of coffee.  Got my grades back today.  I did well so I'm glad all the sleepless nights paid off! Now to charge through 3 more weeks of insanity until it gets better...


One thing about medical school...it has made me depend on my faith in God a whole lot more.  I cannot do this on my own.  It's coming at me from all sides and I have learned over the years to just let go and let God.  It's amazing the relief that comes from that :)  All I can do is learn as much as I can in the time that I have and after that...it's all up to Him.  I thank God everyday for giving me the brain capacity to store all of this information and the ability to retain it.  Prayers are what keep me going.  When I take time to look back at all that I have accomplished thus far..I feel immensely blessed. 

I must always remember why I'm here...what I have set out to accomplish...and God who's going to get me through it all.  The golden thread. 

Finding meaning...

It's one of those days where you feel so alone and just want to disappear.  Trusting that this will all be worth it in the end. 

The constant wait.  Waiting for a career.  Waiting for a relationship/family.  Waiting to know what my purpose is in this life.  Waiting to change someone's life. 

Trying to find motivation.  Trying to find strength.  It's the same day to day routine that is the killer...not so much the material.  Perseverance...

I'm my worst enemy.  I'm very competitive and sometimes that drives me into the ground.  Learning to let go of this bit by bit. 

Tired.  That's all I've got.  Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

Prayers are always appreciated :)

First year medical student!

I'm already 5 weeks deep into medical school!  I haven't had too much time to blog because of the workload but I'm hoping to get in more of a routine soon :)

Med school is a funny thing...it's probably one of the most challenging things I've done in life so far...but I wouldn't have it any other way.  I am constantly being reassured that I am on the right path and definitely at the right school for me.  I just love my life right now...the key is to remind myself of this every day.


Cell Science (block 1): 5 weeks
This block was really a random assortment of topics that don't seem to fit into any one body system.  Some of the main topics we covered were cell-specific diseases, genetics, aging, and nutrition.  Yes I said nutrition.  Medical schools RARELY have nutrition incorporated into the curriculum, so I was glad to see that a lot of emphasis was put on it at least for 2 weeks out of 4 years.  For those that don't know...I have a degree in nutrition so I kind of think it's very important for medicine :) 
The content was not hard...it was just the amount of material we had to know/memorize.  Faculty told us in orientation that "medical school is like drinking from a fire hydrant."  This phrase could not be closer to the truth.  The hardest part for me has been trying to find the most efficient way to learn all of the material.  For the first exam I studied the way I did  in college aka: outlines, understanding the material..THEN memorizing it, etc.  Ya well 2 days before the exam I realized that I needed to start memorizing...uh oh.  I did fine on the exam thank goodness.  I did realize after that test that I just needed to start memorizing on the spot.  So that's what I did along with some awesome study/quizzing sessions with my roommate, Nicole.  I felt far more prepared the second time around and I got more sleep! Wonderful discovery :)

Life changes:
So med school has been an adjustment to say the least.  Our schedule is different every day of the week so it's hard to establish a routine.  Chronic tiredness is also another obstacle to routine.  Sometimes you just can't fight your body....no matter how much caffeine you put into it!  I've definitely adjusted to 6ish hours of sleep.  My normal used to be 8 hrs so it might not seem like a big change...but trust me it is.  I need my sleep to function at all the next day.  The hours of studying are also never ending.  Let's just say the only things to interrupt my 24 hours of studying/day are sleep, 1hr workout, and commute time to/from school.  You might ask...what about eating?? Ya I study while I eat pretty much all of my meals.  I HATE doing this...but there are just not enough hours in the day.  A 48hr day would be nice :)

Social life = 0.  My new social life is comprised of studying with my friends/new family :) That is it.  Oh well a free weekend every 6 weeks!

Exercise has always been a part of my life.  It is my outlet for all things! I knew that I needed to keep this up during medical school no matter how stressed out I got.  Well that's a lot easier said than done.  I do exercise on most days, but some days I have the internal battle between studying to not fall behind and getting an hour of exercise in.  I hate having to sacrifice exercise, but sometimes I just have to in order to get the grades that I want.  Now a grade that I want vs. need is a WHOLE other issue.  More to come in future posts :)

An unfortunate consequence of the above has been a decrease/lack of prayer in my daily life.  In college, I found my faith again and really devoted time to learning more about my faith and building my relationship with God.  I was in such a good place.  Now is when my faith is being put to the test.  I am no longer surrounded by Catholic friends.  I am now in a surprisingly secular environment.  I'll admit it's a daily struggle to stand true to who I am and the way I want to live my life.  I just need to remember the comfort and reassurance that prayer brings to me :) Also why is there not 24hr adoration anywhere near me?!


There are other things I want to share but I'll have to wait for future posts. 

Medical school is a balancing act.  Every day I learn a new way to tackle my life! The key is teamwork :)

Until next time..




Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies.  - Mother Teresa

Start of Summer 2011!!

...well all 6 weeks of it that is.  Summer is in full swing with the heat, pool, and relaxation..and I'm loving it!  For all of you who know me...I have worked every summer since I was 14 and this is my first summer off!! I figured a) I need the rest before I start medical school in July and b) I can't easily get a job for 6 weeks...so might as well just play!

After graduation I spent the last two weeks of May in Houston.  To be honest, these two weeks were very emotionally and physically draining.  I was trying to split my time between my family and friends in Houston before moving off to Fort Worth.  I wanted to give everyone a last goodbye visit and well it turns out I had a lot of people to say bye to!  I tried to get everyone, but apparently 2 weeks isn't enough to fit that all in as well as a lot of dr. appointments.  It was A LOT harder than I expected.  I have been so excited about moving to FW and starting school...but these 2 weeks made me realize that I'm going to miss my parents and friends a lot.  I didn't really experience this at the start of college because College Station is only 1.5 hours away from Houston.  I could count on coming home whenever I wanted and seeing friends on breaks.  Fort Worth is about 4.5-5 hours from Houston and the difference now is that I don't see myself coming back nearly at all because of school.  Most of my friends will also be in Houston permanently so that just adds to it.  However, I have an AWESOME roommate (Nicole) next year and we will be spending loads of time with all new people the next 4 years.  I'm looking forward to the change :)

On June 1st, I officially moved out of Houston and into Fort Worth! I will be living with my sister, Jana, brother-in-law, Drew, and their kids: Bryson (11), Jackson (7) and Addison (3) until July 9th.  Both Jana and Drew are teachers so they get summers off, except Drew who is teaching summer school from 8-12 four days a week.  I chose to spend most of my summer with them because we can do fun stuff with the kids and play in the sun!...mindless fun and relaxation are on my agenda.  Another thing on my agenda is to workout and shape up! Good thing my sister is a HOSS when it comes to fitness and athletic ability.  If you think I am in shape....you should check her out.  I can hardly keep up with her!  She has so much energy and I just love it.  We both have memberships at 24 Hour Fitness so we have been going about 2 hours every morning and doing 1-2 classes, some of which include: turbo kickbox, piloxing (boxing and pilates), boot camp, body pump (weight training).  We are also running about 3 days a week to keep our endurance up for the White Rock Half Marathon on December 4th!  Yes, we're doing it again and this time Nicole will be joining us!  Our big decision for the day is what we're going to do at the gym and when. Next decision....to go to the pool/waterpark or to stay in and play with the kids?...tough life, right? :) Here are a few pics of what we have been up to lately:

Riding bikes to go climb the "rocks" aka: construction zone!

Watching Jack at baseball practice

Hot, sweaty, June afternoons :)

Addie practicing her letters on "Toiling Tuesdays"

Jack doing crossword puzzles

   

Slides, wave pool, lazy river, lunch...all fun!

The newest Hollywood fitness craze: Piloxing!

We have more of the same planned for the next month...looking forward to it!

I also have a few trips to take before school starts and we just got back from Oklahoma: backwoods version! Stay tuned for a post about the wonderful time I had in Octavia, OK :)

Now onto one of my summer reads!

Once an Aggie, Always an Aggie

I did NOT think the end of college would come THIS fast.  I still remember being dropped off at my dorm the week before the start of college in 2007.  Where has the time gone??  It literally feels like yesterday...but when I think of the hard work that has been put into the past 4 years...it seems like a lifetime. 

Many don't know this, but Texas A&M was not my first choice school...it actually was near if not at the bottom of my list of "preferred" schools.  I thought it was TOO big and weird and "not for me".  I came here in the end for financial reasons and guess what...I HAD THE BEST TIME!!

This school has really done more for me as a person than it has for my academic career.  Don't get me wrong, it provided a great education as a pre-med.  However I came in with a solid set of study skills and ambition for my field, that all I really gained was more knowledge to prepare me for medical school.  What A&M really taught me was leadership, communication, and a steadfast faith.

Leadership.  I have been fortunate enough to have a leadership role in some sort of organization the past 4 years in college.  Four years ago I was the "quiet" and "shy" one on the exterior..but had all these ideas and passions inside of me for few to see.  I cared too much of what other people thought of me so I was scared to stand for what I believed.  The spring semester of my freshman year I assumed a small leadership role in one of my organizations (because someone had graduated) without really meaning to.  I was scared at first, but before I knew it I was taking responsibility, making plans, and taking action.  My four years here has been a progression of this "coming out of my shell" phase.  I have gone from being passive to being assertive with even my closest friends.  There's something so exciting and intimidating about several people looking to you for answers and guidance.  You're expected to perform flawlessly and to have the answer to EVERYTHING!  That's a lot of pressure!  However, under that pressure lies great respect and admiration, which are two very important things that got me through the toughest of days.  I have become very comfortable with who I am and what I stand for, and this surprisingly has made me a more effective and confident leader.  People find comfort in relating to others so I made sure to unveil my true self to everyone I encountered, flaws and all :)  It gave me courage when people sought out my advice and really made me want to make a difference in their life! All of the opportunities to help and guide others in the past 4 years have added exponential growth to my maturity as well as my professional life, and for that I am thankful. 

Relationships.  Now this is something I was confident I was going to experience at Texas A&M...but it turns out the experience has been something QUITE different than I imagined 4 years ago.  Everyone talks about finding their "one true love" at Texas A&M.  In fact so many do, that I thought SURELY it's going to happen to me.  I was the girl in high school who seemed to always be "talking" to some guy.  That was my comfort zone...for the school and environment that I was in.  It turns out that in college, I bolted in the other direction.  So much so that many have asked me if I've EVER been in a relationship...FYI yes I have.  I have come to appreciate the beauty of friendships in college so much that those romantic relationships were honestly unappealing to me for the longest time.  True solid friendships are hard to find.  It took me a couple of years to find my niche...but once I did there was this mutual trust and selfless giving that I had never experienced before.  My friends that I have made here are THE MOST caring and selfless people I know.  They would literally put their life at risk for me.  It has been such a humbling experience that I myself have become more giving and selfless in the process..because of their generosity.  I have learned so many life lessons, had so many laughs, cried so many tears, shared so many stories and moments...that it makes me believe they are part of my family.  I believe that surrounding yourself with people you admire and want to model is so important to finding those lasting relationships.  However, the true key to my beautiful friendships in college has not been the crazy party times, the study times, or even the story times...it has been a strong faith-based foundation.

Faith.  All I can say is St. Mary's.  That's it.  This Catholic community at Texas A&M has done more for me than I could have ever imagined.  I am truly a completely different person than I was 4 years ago.  I have put God first in my life and now make all decisions in life based on this.  I rely on God for literally everything and without Him I have no clue where I'd be right now.  I have come in contact with my life's deepest wounds, sorted through the hurt and pain, and started the healing process all in the past few years.  I have learned to not be anxious.  I have learned to listen to others.  I have learned to spend more quality time with others.  My faith life has taught me so many life lessons.  The biggest one is leading by example.  I believe the biggest influence for those around you is NOT by shoving morals and virtues down their throats.  It is by living out all that you stand for regardless of what others think.  It takes great courage and fortitude to live this life, but it gives great hope to others.  So I think it's worth it :)

So yes...all in all...Texas A&M you have been good to me.  I am sad to be leaving the wonderful people who have made my experience here amazing...but I am more excited about what is to come.  I know I will keep in touch with them...so losing them forever does not worry me in the slightest.

Well..here's to graduation and the Class of 2011!! WHOOOOOOP!!   

I'm back!!

It's been a while since I've last blogged!  So many people have been on me about posting so I'm finally getting around to it.  Many things have happened this semester, so I won't attempt to bore you with the details.  Instead I'll talk about the underlying theme of the past few months.

BALANCE!!

If you know me at all, you know that I have a strong "All or Nothing" personality.  If I'm studying, then I can't be interrupted for hours.  If I have a lot going on with friends over a weekend, I'll get no school work done at all.  When I work out, I go all out and don't settle for a mediocre workout.  You get the point by now. 

Since it's my last semester in college, I've been wanting to spend the most time possible with my wonderful friends :) Before spring break, I was practically a hermit.  My classes require a lot of busy work and frankly I was taking it too seriously.  I don't always have to study my hardest for EVERY SINGLE LITTLE THING!!  I went on a cruise for spring break and it really brought a fresh light to my everyday life.  I have realized that nourishing friendships are just as important as any work you need to accomplish.  At some point something needs to be sacrificed from one end or another to balance out your life.  So I have been trying this out.  I've been spending more time with my friends, going on spontaneous road trips, staying up late having fun, or just sitting around doing nothing with them! And at the same time I've been keeping my grades up so it IS possible. 

Life is great right now and I'm learning to LIVE it instead of always waiting for something in the future.  I want to be able to look back and remember all the fun times I've had and not all the times I've been studying (I have plenty of time for that the next few years). 

So that's where I am right now....just enjoying my last few weeks until graduation! At this point I have 4 class days left and 3 finals standing in the way of me and my diploma :) WHOOP!!

I'll be more detailed next time...but that's it for now :)

Is it really a fairytale?

I'm surrounded by numerous dating couples who are now taking their relationship to a higher level of commitment.  Engagement.  Marriage.  Children.  This whole "dating/relationship/soulmate" world is becoming a reality.  How are they sure that this person is "the one"?  Are there any doubts?  If so, at this level of commitment how do you even express doubt?  Maybe they just knew all along...

I personally don't believe it.  I feel like everyone is holding out for that "perfect" person/feeling.  This is a topic that is readily discussed but there's never a definitive guideline to follow.  People are unique and therefore each relationship is going to be different.  You can't really compare yourself to others.  Thus frustration is imminent.  Will you give the "right" person a shot or will you bypass your chance while constantly seeking that ideal...and end up alone?

I think it has to be brought down from an idealistic to a realistic stage.  What are the aspects of a relationship for which you are not willing to settle?  What are those smaller aspects on which you can compromise?  Certainly you shouldn't lower your standards in seeking a companion, but in the age bracket 20-40 yrs it all becomes too real way too fast.

I'm kind of a spectator on the sidelines of this topic.  I think the reason it all intrigues me is because I'm always telling myself: "Someday in the future you'll find the right person."  When is the "future"?  How in the world are my friends already getting married?!  It's a good thing I'm not one to freak out and find someone quick just to follow the trend.  From simple observation and listening I have gathered the following ideas:

1.  People fall into it or get out of it.  If both people are truly seeking a relationship for lifetime commitment...then they will know fairly quickly if it is "working out" or not.  Compatibility and their "make-it or break-its" will most likely gear the relationship at the beginning. 

2. It "works".  This is the realistic part that I was referring to earlier.  Do your lifestyles and goals work well together?  Do your morals/values align so that both people are becoming better versions of themselves?  I'm told that this is the comfortable stage.  You become best friends and know each other so well that you can't hide from each other. 

3.  Tested commitment.  I believe you have to get through the good and the bad in order to know if this person is the right one.  Getting through hard times via communication and arguments can really solidify a relationship.  If both people stick through the relationship even during the worst times...they are probably not going to give up that easily in a marriage. 

If all these things have to come to pass then the next natural thing to do is progress in the relationship. 

4. Can I see myself with this person for the rest of my life?  Well...this is it.  Is this my "special" person?  Everything seems to work and both people are happy.  They have been down the good and bad roads and have been there through it all.  So...naturally they go towards marriage.  See how I don't think it's all magical?  It really is an anti-climactic process.  It takes time, effort, tears, laughs, etc.  I think after a while you just realize it and go for it.  None of this "rushing to get married after the first few dates" business.  I think it takes years. 

I realize I am in no position to dish out long term relationship advice...but I do have the experiences of several of my friends so it's somewhat valid :)  I have been influenced by the A&M stereotype of getting married right out of college...but in a different way.  I just like to see stable couples (key phrase: stable) going through it and how they arrive at the decision of marriage.  I find it amazing to be honest.  I still feel so young with much more to learn and experience.  I am a planner/thinker and I like to know what I want in life...and I tend to follow through with it. 

So for me I'm at the "planning/thinking" stage and I like to see how other people are doing this...but not personally experience it quite yet haha.  I love being single because it gives me a chance to do some real soul searching and to figure out exactly what I want in a relationship. 

So take my amateur thoughts or leave them for now.  Feel free to check in with me in 10 years and see if I've had any personal experience on this topic :)